Hey y’all… I know I haven’t written any new post in a while. My grandma was hospitalised in late October (around one week after my birthday) and passed away in December, so I’ve been very preoccupied. I also really wanted to publish this post on 31 December, but I fell sick during the last week of 2024. 🫠 I finally feel well enough to put together a post, so here it is!

Finally found a role model

If you’ve read my two posts on Rage Against the Machine (“Special Interest Infodump: Rage Against the Machine” and “How Rage Against the Machine changed my life”), you’ll know that I look up to Zack de la Rocha as a role model.

He’s the role model I’ve been searching for all my life, and I’m so glad I got to learn more about him and the similarities we share through my special interest in RATM. Seeing him gave me permission to accept everything about myself and be fully me. He inspired so much of my self-discovery and personal growth journey in 2024.

Made a lot of progress in self-discovery and personal growth

I’ve largely overcome my anxiety over trying new activities, seeking new social connections, and exploring unfamiliar places on my own in 2024.

I did so many things that I couldn’t imagine myself doing in previous years, like joining a punk band, going for somatic therapy, and attending events that interest me (such as a course on organising accessible events), just to name a few things!

I also went deeper into shadow work (which gave me the idea to write a memoir, which I hope to start working on this year!) and developed self-compassion. I’ve started to see my selective mutism and whispering voice as protective mechanisms I developed in childhood as a result of trauma, a reframing which helped me overcome some of my internalised ableism.

For most of my life, I felt I had to live within the confines of the “pitiful, innocent disabled girl who doesn’t understand the world around her” that people saw me as when I was young. I’m learning (from comments on my Instagram/blog, new friends, colleagues) that people now actually see me as “cool,” “badass,” “very intelligent and insightful.” It feels so alien to me. But all these comments are helping me recognise my true capabilities that I couldn’t see for so long.

Learnt that taking breaks is part of the healing journey

As I mentioned above, my grandma was hospitalised in late October and passed away in December. That was an emotionally taxing period for me, and I don’t think I’ve fully recovered yet.

There were times when I felt frustrated with my grandma’s situation, as I had just started somatic therapy when she was hospitalised. I was worried that this would derail/halt the progress I’ve been making and that I would struggle to get back on track later. But this period taught me that I don’t have to be in “growth mode” all the time. Taking a break is a form of healing and won’t erase all the progress I’ve made so far. (It’s also a good time for self-reflection!)

Connected with more Singaporean Autistics

I’m so glad I got to connect with more Singaporean Autistics in 2024. It’s always validating to know that I’m not alone and there are others like me out there.

I’m super thrilled that I connected with @NeuroLiminality (formerly @BarisanHantu on Twitter), who reached out to me on Instagram. I first came across their Twitter around 2020. They were the very first Singaporean Autistic I’ve ever seen in ND social media spaces. Back then, I had low self-esteem and felt too intimidated to reach out to them. I also thought I had nothing important to say/contribute to ND online discourse. It’s so wild to see that we’re friends now! (They also said that I inspired them to get on Instagram!) They also share my dream of building a Neurodivergent-led community/organisation in Singapore, and I’m excited to work on this dream with them in 2025!

(Some of) my goals for 2025

• Learn to trust my intuition
• Start writing my memoir
• Do more public advocacy in Singapore with @NeuroLiminality and other local Autistic advocates